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I’m kinda tired of this life
I’m kinda tired of this church
I’m kinda tired of this facade
And of misplacing value and worth.
Lately as I look around me, I find that I am guilty of something that I have always considered rather vein and shallow. I find myself putting on facades and masks so that others around me don’t see the real me. And I am not talking in the direction you might think. No. I am talking in the direction of my true self and true feelings being hidden from those others of my same beliefs.
I don’t put on a mask at work. I tell people at work who I really am and what I really believe. I find that easy, surprisingly. You wouldn’t think that it would be, perhaps I am truly getting old as I often tell my wife that I am, but I really have come to the place in life where I just tell people who I am and let them decide to like or not like me. I like to see if this “tolerance” thing that the world talks about from a soap box really works and if they truly believe it, because if they do… they will “tolerate” my viewpoint even if I don’t tolerate them. But that is another story.
Church is the different story. Lately, I feel that I must not act like my true self at church. I can’t explain why. Nothing has happened recently to change my feelings. It is just something that has happened gradually over these past few months.
So once more I feel out of place and uncomfortable at church. I’d much rather just have some friends over, eat dinner, drink a beer and read the bible together. Maybe some sort of home group or something. But one day at a time, I’ll just wait and see what God has planned.
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